Change – Between what has been and what may become
When we want something to change, we move between several points in time at once. In our minds, we can return to what has been, attend to what is happening now, and imagine a future that does not yet exist. This flexibility helps us understand our experiences, orient ourselves in life, and consider what we want to change.
Yet moving between different points in time can also make change more complicated. The past may continue to influence how we interpret a current situation. The future can evoke both longing and anxiety. And what is happening in the present may receive surprisingly little attention when our minds are occupied by what has already happened or what might happen next.
When we want to change something, three points in time are therefore often present: something has happened, something is happening or recurring now, and something could be different in the future. Change is not simply a matter of leaving the old behind and moving on. It also involves understanding what we want to preserve, what we need to relate to differently, and what direction we want to give to what has not yet happened.
In five sections, I explore how the past, present, and future interact when we seek change, what can make change possible, and how we notice that something new has begun to take shape.
How does the past live on in the present?
The past is not over simply because it lies behind us. Previous experiences influence what we notice, how we interpret other people, and what we expect to happen. They may remain in our memories and in the stories we have formed about ourselves. They may also be evident in the body’s state of readiness, in our habits, and in reactions that arise quickly when we find ourselves in a familiar situation.
What has been does not have to be difficult or negative. Our previous experiences also provide us with knowledge, context, and continuity. They help us recognize situations, understand who we are, and preserve relationships, values, and ways of living that matter to us. When we are considering a change, an important question may therefore be what we want to take with us—not only what we want to leave behind.
At the same time, earlier experiences can limit what we perceive as possible. If a previous attempt has failed, we may expect the same thing to happen again. If we have long occupied a particular role in a family or workplace, acting differently may feel unfamiliar, both to us and to the people around us. The past then influences the present through our expectations, but it does not have to determine what happens next.
A reflection
When we want to change something, we can ask ourselves:
What about the past helps me understand my situation today?
What is still limiting me?
And what is meaningful and worth preserving?
Change does not have to mean distancing ourselves from our history. It can mean developing a freer relationship with it, so that what has been does not by itself determine what is possible now.
– Maria Sandgren
Further reading
The books explore our relationship with time from different perspectives. Bodil Jönsson writes about the difference between measurable clock time and the time we experience and live in. Daniel Gilbert examines our ability to imagine the future and why our predictions about how we will feel are not always accurate. Philip Zimbardo and John Boyd present their research on how different orientations toward the past, present, and future can influence our emotions, decisions, and ways of living.
The research articles describe how people direct their attention toward the past, present, and future, and how different time orientations can influence emotions, decisions, and beliefs about what is possible. They also highlight the value of being able to draw on several time perspectives without being too strongly bound to any one of them.
If you want to change something in your life but find that previous experiences, anxiety about the future, or conflicting feelings make it difficult to understand what you want and how to move forward, it may be helpful to seek support from a licensed psychologist.
Books (in Swedish)
Tio tankar om tid – Bodil Jönsson
Snubbla på lyckan – Paul Gilbert
The Time Paradox – Philip Zimbardo & John Boyd
What research shows
Researchers describe time perspective as a psychological process through which we organize our experiences in relation to the past, present, and future. These temporal orientations can influence what we pay attention to, how we make decisions, and what we imagine to be possible. The five time orientations are described as follows:
Past-negative: attention is primarily directed towards painful, difficult, or unfair experiences from the past.
Past-positive: the past is primarily associated with warmth, continuity, positive memories, and appreciation of previous relationships and experiences.
Present-hedonistic: the focus is on what brings pleasure, excitement, or enjoyment in the moment, sometimes with less attention to future consequences.
Present-fatalistic: life is experienced as largely determined by fate, circumstances, or other people, while one’s own ability to influence what happens appears limited.
Future-oriented: attention is directed towards planning, long-term goals, and future consequences. This may involve giving up something in the present in order to achieve something meaningful later on.
Time perspectives should be understood as orientations or tendencies rather than fixed personality types. The same person can draw on several perspectives, and their significance may vary depending on the situation and context.
Researchers found an association between a more balanced time perspective and greater psychological well-being. A balanced time perspective did not mean giving equal attention to the past, present, and future, but rather not being too strongly tied to any single time orientation.
How does the future influence what we do today?
The future does not yet exist, but our ideas about it already influence how we feel and act. We can look forward to something, make plans, and forgo an immediate opportunity in order to achieve something important later on. Our ability to imagine the future helps us choose a direction and create what does not yet exist.
But the future can also seem uncertain. When we consider a change, we imagine not only what we hope to gain but also what we risk losing. A new job may offer growth and greater freedom, but also financial uncertainty. Saying what we think can bring clarity to a relationship, but it may also evoke anxiety about how the other person will respond. Even a long-awaited change may involve leaving something familiar behind.
The possibility of change therefore depends on more than how strongly we want something different. Our decisions are also influenced by finances, health, responsibility for others, social conditions, and the alternatives that are actually available. Sometimes a change needs to wait. Sometimes it needs to take a different form from the one we first imagined.
A reflection
When the future exists only in our minds, it can easily become either idealized or threatening.
Approaching it in more concrete terms can give us a more nuanced picture:
What do I hope will be different?
What am I uncertain about?
What would the change affect—for me and for others?
– Maria Sandgren
Further reading
The books explore our relationship with time from different perspectives. Bodil Jönsson writes about the difference between measurable clock time and the time we experience and live in. Daniel Gilbert examines our ability to imagine the future and why our predictions about how we will feel are not always accurate. Philip Zimbardo and John Boyd present their research on how different orientations toward the past, present, and future can influence our emotions, decisions, and ways of living.
The research articles shed light on why a desired change does not always lead directly to a decision or action. Hesitation may be related to how we respond emotionally to something new, which consequences receive our attention, and the value the current situation has acquired simply by being familiar. The research also shows that we do not evaluate change only in terms of what we might gain. At the same time, we take into account uncertainty, possible losses, and what would have to be left behind or reconsidered.
If you want to change something in your life but find that previous experiences, anxiety about the future, or conflicting feelings make it difficult to understand what you want and how to move forward, it may be helpful to seek support from a licensed psychologist.
Books (in Swedish)
Tio tankar om tid – Bodil Jönsson
Snubbla på lyckan – Paul Gilbert
The Time Paradox – Philip Zimbardo & John Boyd
What research shows
Research on resistance to change shows that people’s reactions can be related to several psychological factors. Hesitation in the face of change therefore does not have a single explanation. In a series of studies, the researcher Oreg identified four partly distinct tendencies:
Seeking routine and stability: a preference for the familiar and for everyday life to be predictable.
Reacting emotionally to change: something new can evoke stress, anxiety, or other discomfort, particularly when the change is experienced as imposed.
Focusing on short-term consequences: the immediate difficulties involved in change may receive more attention than potential benefits in the longer term.
Cognitive rigidity: it can be difficult to reconsider previous beliefs and adapt one’s thinking when circumstances change.
The studies concern general differences in people’s tendency to resist change. They do not show that hesitation is always a problem. Wanting to preserve stability or carefully considering the consequences of change can also be reasonable and important.
Studies of decision-making also show that people often prefer an existing option over other possibilities. This tendency is commonly referred to as status quo bias. In experiments, an option was chosen more often when it was presented as the current state of affairs than when the same option was presented as one of several equivalent choices.
Preferring the status quo does not necessarily mean that the current situation is perceived as the best one. Keeping things as they are means that we know more about what we have, while change may involve uncertainty, potential losses, and practical costs. An active decision may also make us feel more responsible for what follows than if we allow the situation to remain as it is.
Why does the present have particular significance?
We can try to understand the past and imagine the future, but it is in the present moment—here and now—that change can begin to take shape. This is where we can notice a thought or reaction, have a conversation, make a decision, or try doing something differently.
Even while we are in the present, our minds can move between different points in time. We can remember how something has been, notice what is happening within and around us, and imagine different ways in which events might unfold. This movement helps us bring together experience, current emotions, and future consequences.
When one time perspective takes over our attention
Yet the point in time that occupies the most space can influence what we see.
If previous failures absorb all our attention, a new attempt may seem hopeless. If we follow only the relief or impulse of the moment, both our experience and future consequences may recede into the background. And if we live primarily in the idea of a different future, it may become harder to recognize the conditions and possibilities that exist in the life we are living now.
Being able to move between past, present, and future
A flexible time perspective does not mean that the past, present, and future must always carry equal weight. Different situations require different movements through time. We may need to return to the past to understand a reaction, remain in the present to recognize what we feel and need, or turn toward the future to plan and choose a path.
What has happened before can then contribute experience without automatically becoming a prediction. The future can provide direction without taking over the present moment. The present becomes the place where what has been and what may become meet and shape what we do next.
A reflection
When we say, “It always turns out this way,” we allow previous experiences to describe the future as well.
If we pause and attend to what is happening right now, the question can become more open:
Is this situation the same as the previous ones, or are there differences that make another response possible?
The past does not disappear, but it can be joined by what we perceive and experience in the present.
– Maria Sandgren
Further reading
The books explore our relationship with time from different perspectives. Bodil Jönsson writes about the difference between measurable clock time and the time we experience and live in. Daniel Gilbert examines our ability to imagine the future and why our predictions about how we will feel are not always accurate. Philip Zimbardo and John Boyd present their research on how different orientations toward the past, present, and future can influence our emotions, decisions, and ways of living.
The research describes how our attention can be directed toward different points in time and how thoughts about the past, present, and future can be present simultaneously.
If you want to change something in your life but find that previous experiences, anxiety about the future, or conflicting feelings make it difficult to understand what you want and how to move forward, it may be helpful to seek support from a licensed psychologist.
Books (in Swedish)
Tio tankar om tid – Bodil Jönsson
Snubbla på lyckan – Paul Gilbert
The Time Paradox – Philip Zimbardo & John Boyd
What research shows
Researchers use the term temporal focus to describe the extent to which people direct their attention towards the past, present, and future. They developed an instrument that measures these three temporal directions separately, without simultaneously evaluating the thoughts as positive or negative.
These studies show that focusing on one period of time does not necessarily exclude the others. A person may, for example, pay attention to what is happening in the present while also drawing on past experiences and considering future consequences. Temporal focus can therefore be understood as a flexible distribution of attention rather than as a person belonging to a single time orientation.
What can make change more possible?
A wish for change often contains several movements at once. We may want to move away from something that limits us, feels wrong, or causes us pain. At the same time, we may long to develop something: greater freedom, closer relationships, more room for an interest, or a way of living that better reflects what we need and value.
Moving away from something and towards something
Wanting to move away from something and wanting to move toward something are not opposites. Both directions are often present. But they provide us with partly different information. Dissatisfaction tells us what no longer works. The idea of something different helps us explore where we want to go and what we hope the change will make room for.
This becomes clear even in smaller decisions. Someone who wants to establish a new habit may want to move away from fatigue, rushing, or the feeling that time is disappearing. But another question is what the habit is meant to make possible: more movement, uninterrupted reading, regular meals, or time with someone. When the desired future becomes more concrete, it is easier to see how it relates to the life that is already under way.
A decision to look for a new job often contains more elements. Someone may want to leave a work environment that has become too demanding while also wanting to grow professionally, take on different responsibilities, or live at a different pace. Previous experiences can show what the person does well and what no longer works. The current situation shows what practical possibilities are available. Imagining the future provides different options to compare.
When change involves multiple considerations
With a larger and less reversible change, such as considering a separation, several points in time and concerns become even more clearly present. The history of the relationship may contain both closeness and disappointment. In the present, there are current feelings, the way the relationship functions, and the practical circumstances of life. The future may contain ideas of freedom or a different life, but also grief, financial anxiety, and concern for children or other loved ones.
In such a situation, the question is seldom simply whether the person wants to stay or leave. It may also need to become clearer what she is trying to move away from, what she hopes to develop, and whether any of this is possible within the current relationship. Understanding these different directions does not automatically provide an answer, but it can clarify what the decision means.
When hesitation becomes part of understanding
Hesitation is therefore not necessarily a sign that the change is unimportant. It may show that several significant needs, values, and relationships are in conflict. When the inner conflict becomes visible, it is easier to understand why wanting something does not immediately lead to action.
Smaller changes can sometimes be tried and reconsidered. A new way of organizing one’s time or a first step toward another job can provide experiences that were unavailable while the change existed only as an idea. Larger decisions cannot always be tested in the same way, but they can be explored through conversation, information, and a closer understanding of what the different alternatives actually involve.
A reflections
Change does not always have to begin with a decisive choice. It can begin by making the directions clearer:
What do I want to move away from?
What do I want to make more room for instead?
What is keeping me where I am, and what needs to remain even if something else changes?
These questions do not determine what a person should do. But they can help her see whether the change appears mainly as a way out of the present situation or is also beginning to acquire substance as a possible way forward.
– Maria Sandgren
Further reading
The books explore our relationship with time from different perspectives. Bodil Jönsson writes about the difference between measurable clock time and the time we experience and live in. Daniel Gilbert examines our ability to imagine the future and why our predictions about how we will feel are not always accurate. Philip Zimbardo and John Boyd present their research on how different orientations toward the past, present, and future can influence our emotions, decisions, and ways of living.
The research articles explore how the direction of our personal goals and our ability to adapt to a current situation can influence change. They distinguish between trying to avoid an unwanted outcome and moving toward something we value, while also describing change as dependent on our ability to recognize what the situation requires and reconsider how we respond.
If you want to change something in your life but find that previous experiences, anxiety about the future, or conflicting feelings make it difficult to understand what you want and how to move forward, it may be helpful to seek support from a licensed psychologist.
Books (in Swedish)
Tio tankar om tid – Bodil Jönsson
Snubbla på lyckan – Paul Gilbert
The Time Paradox – Philip Zimbardo & John Boyd
What research shows
The purpose of the personal goals we formulate can be described in different ways. A goal may involve avoiding or moving away from something undesirable. It may also involve moving towards something we value and want to give more space in our lives.
In two studies, researchers followed participants’ personal goals over several months. When a person placed greater emphasis on avoidance goals, they made less progress towards their goals and reported lower well-being. The findings suggest that it may matter whether a goal is primarily formulated in terms of what we do not want to happen or whether it also provides a direction towards something we want.
Wanting to move away from a difficult or harmful situation can, at the same time, be both understandable and necessary. The study does not show whether an individual decision is right or wrong. Rather, it draws attention to how the direction of our goals may influence the process that follows.
Psychological flexibility has been described as the ability to notice and adapt to the changing demands of a situation, shift perspective or ways of acting when needed, while remaining connected to what is meaningful. It is therefore not about always being accommodating or changing oneself, but about being able to recognize when a familiar way of responding is still useful and when the situation calls for something different.
In a research review, researchers show how psychological flexibility is relevant across several areas of mental health. The present moment then takes on particular importance: it is in the current situation that we can notice what is happening, take our experiences into account, and adapt how we act in response to both the circumstances and what matters to us.
When has something begun to change?
It is easy to imagine change as a clear before and after. But several things often happen in parallel. We may understand a situation in a new way, feel differently about it, and begin to act in ways that in turn create new experiences. It is not always possible to determine which part came first or exactly what set the process in motion.
Sometimes change is visible on the outside: a decision has been made, a habit has changed, or a life situation has taken a different form. Sometimes it is more subtle. We may stay with a thought a little longer, see more possible interpretations, or discover that we can experience uncertainty without immediately giving up what we want to do.
Old ways of reacting may return without the change therefore having disappeared. The difference may be that we recognize what is happening sooner, understand more about the situation, or find our way back more easily to the direction we have chosen. Change does not have to mean that the past ceases to influence us. It can mean that it no longer has the same influence over what we believe is possible.
A reflection
We live in several points in time at once. What has been gives us experience and context. The future creates room for ideas, fears, and possibilities.
But change can mean allowing what we discover and do in the present to have more influence over the future than the past has had until now.
– Maria Sandgren
Further reading
The books explore our relationship with time from different perspectives. Bodil Jönsson writes about the difference between measurable clock time and the time we experience and live in. Daniel Gilbert examines our ability to imagine the future and why our predictions about how we will feel are not always accurate. Philip Zimbardo and John Boyd present their research on how different orientations toward the past, present, and future can influence our emotions, decisions, and ways of living.
The research articles explore how change can develop over time and what signs may indicate that something new has begun to take shape. Processes of change do not always follow an even or predictable path. Change may become visible through variations in previously stable patterns, but also through a new behavior gradually becoming more familiar and automatic.
If you want to change something in your life but find that previous experiences, anxiety about the future, or conflicting feelings make it difficult to understand what you want and how to move forward, it may be helpful to seek support from a licensed psychologist.
Books (in Swedish)
Tio tankar om tid – Bodil Jönsson
Snubbla på lyckan – Paul Gilbert
The Time Paradox – Philip Zimbardo & John Boyd
What research shows
Other researchers describe a form of mental time travel, in which we can return from the present moment to past events and imagine future situations. This ability helps us draw on previous experiences to prepare, plan, and consider different courses of action.
Research on memory and imagining the future shows that our ability to envision the future partly relies on the same systems we use when remembering the past. When we think ahead, we do not create the future from nothing, but use elements of previous experiences to imagine what might happen.
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