A blog about emotions, relationships, and what shapes our lives

An argument can begin with something small: a question about who was going to do the shopping, a comment about someone being late, or a message that went unanswered. Before long, the conversation is no longer about what happened. One person feels accused; the other feels left alone with the responsibility. Both try to explain themselves, but come away feeling misunderstood. When this happens repeatedly, it is natural to wonder: How do we stop arguing? How can we live together

When we want something to change, we move between several points in time at once. In our minds, we can return to what has been, attend to what is happening now, and imagine a future that does not yet exist. This flexibility helps us understand our experiences, orient ourselves in life, and consider what we want to change. Yet moving between different points in time can also make change more complicated. The past may continue to influence how we interpret a current situation.

Fewer men than women seek psychotherapy. This does not necessarily mean that men are doing better or have less need for support. Many seek help only when their difficulties have become difficult to ignore: when a relationship is at risk of ending, sleep is persistently disrupted, panic attacks have become overwhelming, anger is affecting other people, or work has become difficult to manage. Men’s reluctance to seek help is sometimes explained by saying that they do not want t