A blog about emotions, relationships, and what shapes our lives

We say something during a conversation and afterwards think, “How could I have been so stupid?” We feel sad when someone does not get in touch, but soon dismiss our reaction: “I’m far too sensitive.” After a long day at work, we cannot manage what we had planned and reproach ourselves: “I could have planned better.” The fact that we are tired carries no weight in our judgement. We should have managed it anyway. The shift from an event to a severe judgement of ourselves can ha

Loneliness is part of life, but it can take many different forms. We can be alone without feeling lonely and experience profound loneliness even when we have people around us. Longing for connection and belonging is deeply human. When the connection we need is missing, loneliness can affect both our well-being and how we see ourselves and others. At the same time, loneliness is not necessarily about how many people we have around us. It may instead concern the quality of our

Most of us will at some point experience an important relationship that is not working as we would like. There may be conflicts that never seem to end, difficulties talking to one another, or a sense of having drifted apart. Sometimes the relationship is with a partner, but it may also be with a parent or sibling, an adult child, a friend, or a colleague. Relationship difficulties rarely arise from a single event. They often develop gradually as emotions become difficult to e

Anxiety is part of being human. Most of us will experience it at some point in life—when facing an important change, following a loss, within a relationship, or when life feels uncertain. At the same time, anxiety can become so intense or recurring that it restricts everyday life and makes it difficult to live the life we want. This page provides an overview of what anxiety is, what it can feel like, why it arises, and the different forms it may take. You can also read about

Most people think a great deal at times. We try to understand what has happened, plan for the future, or consider important decisions. Sometimes, however, thinking becomes something else. The same questions return again and again without leading us forward. Our thoughts begin to revolve around what has already happened or what might happen, and it becomes difficult to let them go. Overthinking and rumination are common sources of psychological distress. At the same time, they

Stress is a natural part of life. It helps us mobilize energy when we need to face a challenge, make quick decisions, or care for someone who matters to us. Without stress, we would find it difficult to adapt to change and manage what life sometimes requires of us. At the same time, many people describe a sense of never truly being able to unwind. Their thoughts continue even after the workday is over. Their bodies remain on high alert even when there is time to rest. Sleep d

Many people describe themselves as having low self-esteem, but they may mean quite different things by it. Some constantly doubt their own worth. Others find it difficult to say no, feel inadequate, or become highly self-critical when something goes wrong. Still others appear confident on the outside while living with a persistent fear that they are not good enough. Self-esteem is not about always liking ourselves or feeling confident. It is about how we relate to ourselves w

Perfectionism is often associated with high ambitions and a desire to do things well. Being conscientious, engaged, and eager to develop is not in itself a problem. On the contrary, these qualities can help us learn, create, and accomplish what matters to us. But perfectionism is not only about what we want to achieve. It may also concern what we fear will happen if we do not succeed. A mistake then becomes more than a mistake. It may feel like a sign that we are not competen

In my private practice, I meet clients who have previous therapy experience. They often have had 1-4 previous therapy contacts. Some contacts have been shorter, and some have been longer. The reasons for starting therapy differ, but their previous experience is the same. There was no desired change. What makes one therapy work and not another? The reason may be that the psychologist and the client have been focusing on understanding to a large extent. They have put the prob