A blog about emotions, relationships, and what shapes our lives

We say something during a conversation and afterwards think, “How could I have been so stupid?” We feel sad when someone does not get in touch, but soon dismiss our reaction: “I’m far too sensitive.” After a long day at work, we cannot manage what we had planned and reproach ourselves: “I could have planned better.” The fact that we are tired carries no weight in our judgement. We should have managed it anyway. The shift from an event to a severe judgement of ourselves can ha

Someone does not get in touch when we need them to. Work we have put considerable effort into does not lead where we had hoped. We notice that, once again, we have agreed to something we wanted to say no to. Disappointment can arise in small everyday moments and in circumstances that shape an entire life. Something we hoped for, needed or counted on turned out differently. Sometimes we know immediately what we are disappointed about. At other times, it surfaces as irritation,

A comment can linger long after a conversation, while everything else that was said fades. We may notice what is missing and barely register what is there. Our attention can be compared to a flashlight: it illuminates part of our world, while the rest remains in darkness. What we see is real, but it is not all there is. This short article explores our attention and how it shapes our experience of ourselves, others, and what happens around us. Using the flashlight as a metapho

When we want something to change, we move between several points in time at once. In our minds, we can return to what has been, attend to what is happening now, and imagine a future that does not yet exist. This flexibility helps us understand our experiences, orient ourselves in life, and consider what we want to change. Yet moving between different points in time can also make change more complicated. The past may continue to influence how we interpret a current situation.

Fewer men than women seek psychotherapy. This does not necessarily mean that men are doing better or have less need for support. Many seek help only when their difficulties have become difficult to ignore: when a relationship is at risk of ending, sleep is persistently disrupted, panic attacks have become overwhelming, anger is affecting other people, or work has become difficult to manage. Men’s reluctance to seek help is sometimes explained by saying that they do not want t

Grief is a natural part of being human. We grieve when we lose someone or something that has mattered to us—a person, a relationship, our health, a job, or a future we had imagined. Loss changes us, but it does not have to mean that life comes to a halt. Grief rarely follows a straight path. It changes over time and affects our emotions, bodies, thoughts, and relationships. In therapy, the aim is not to take grief away, but to understand it and gradually find one’s bearings i

Anxiety is part of being human. Most of us will experience it at some point in life—when facing an important change, following a loss, within a relationship, or when life feels uncertain. At the same time, anxiety can become so intense or recurring that it restricts everyday life and makes it difficult to live the life we want. This page provides an overview of what anxiety is, what it can feel like, why it arises, and the different forms it may take. You can also read about

Most people think a great deal at times. We try to understand what has happened, plan for the future, or consider important decisions. Sometimes, however, thinking becomes something else. The same questions return again and again without leading us forward. Our thoughts begin to revolve around what has already happened or what might happen, and it becomes difficult to let them go. Overthinking and rumination are common sources of psychological distress. At the same time, they

Stress is a natural part of life. It helps us mobilize energy when we need to face a challenge, make quick decisions, or care for someone who matters to us. Without stress, we would find it difficult to adapt to change and manage what life sometimes requires of us. At the same time, many people describe a sense of never truly being able to unwind. Their thoughts continue even after the workday is over. Their bodies remain on high alert even when there is time to rest. Sleep d

Many people describe themselves as having low self-esteem, but they may mean quite different things by it. Some constantly doubt their own worth. Others find it difficult to say no, feel inadequate, or become highly self-critical when something goes wrong. Still others appear confident on the outside while living with a persistent fear that they are not good enough. Self-esteem is not about always liking ourselves or feeling confident. It is about how we relate to ourselves w

Perfectionism is often associated with high ambitions and a desire to do things well. Being conscientious, engaged, and eager to develop is not in itself a problem. On the contrary, these qualities can help us learn, create, and accomplish what matters to us. But perfectionism is not only about what we want to achieve. It may also concern what we fear will happen if we do not succeed. A mistake then becomes more than a mistake. It may feel like a sign that we are not competen