Christmas and New Year – Longing, expectations and consideration
Updated: 7 hours ago
Before long, many of us will be celebrating Christmas and New Year. Some look forward to this time very much, while others have more mixed feelings. The holidays mean different things to us, but, like the summer holidays, they are something we plan for and have wishes and needs around.
Traditions can bring joy, comfort and a sense of continuity. For others, they have become habits that are difficult to change. Being together can bring connection and closeness, but it can also be demanding. How can we make room for both the joy and the tensions that make the holidays emotionally charged?
In this short article, I explore longing, expectations and consideration in the lead-up to Christmas and New Year, and how traditions and togetherness can take new forms as life changes.
When Christmas begins with longing and worry
For some, Christmas preparations are already beginning. Travel needs to be booked, presents bought and decisions made about where and with whom to celebrate. At the same time, thoughts and feelings arise about seeing one another again. Will conversation flow easily, or will we need to weigh our words? Previous Christmases can shape our expectations for this year’s celebrations.
Planning can also be driven by longing. The prospect of welcoming others into our home or returning to our hometown, walking familiar streets and seeing family, relatives and friends. Time can feel short for everything we hope to do.
For others, this longing comes with mixed feelings. They want to get together but fear distance and conflict. Some do not know whom they will celebrate with. When there is no one close to share Christmas with, expectations of togetherness can make loneliness particularly apparent.
When traditions meet a changing life
We may want to celebrate as we usually do, even though life has changed. A new partner has other loved ones and customs to consider. Adult children want to celebrate elsewhere. Someone who used to be there is no longer with us.
What once seemed a given then needs to be discussed and sometimes changed. Traditions can hold memories and a sense of belonging, and change can feel like a loss. At the same time, others need a say in shaping the celebrations. What do we appreciate and want to keep? What might we allow to change?
How much room is there for consideration?
When we get together to celebrate Christmas, we need to show care and be flexible. We coordinate food, presents and other preparations to make our days together easier. Different customs and wishes need room.
But being considerate can also mean monitoring tones of voice, steering conversations away from sensitive topics and trying to keep everyone in good spirits. This can involve considerable effort that others barely notice. Someone else’s irritation or need for control may begin to dictate how everyone spends their time together.
If concerns are met with “it’ll work out”, matters that need discussing may be left to whoever ends up having to handle the situation. Whose wishes are given room, and who is expected to adapt?
Wanting to get together while needing to limit time together
Affection, duty, disappointment and a need for distance can coexist. We may want connection while knowing that spending longer periods together will become taxing.
For some, alcohol is already a concern at the planning stage. Worry about how someone will change when they drink can make it difficult to relax. Past experiences influence what we are willing to go through again.
Meeting for a shorter time, staying elsewhere or getting together on another occasion can make spending time together more manageable. Such decisions can bring both relief and sadness. What would allow us to get together in a way that also feels right for us?
New Year – What do I want to carry forward?
The turn of the year can offer an opportunity to notice what we appreciate and want to make more room for. Which encounters brought us joy? What felt demanding? Did you find a new place for yourself?
We may also notice that there are things we have become less willing to continue with. Perhaps we do not yet know what a change might look like. Recognising what we want to keep and what we would like to be different can be a beginning.
Reflection
What do we long for when we imagine a happy Christmas? A familiar celebration, a sense of belonging, the chance to rest together or to feel welcome as we are?
When we pause to consider this, it can become clearer what our traditions mean to us and what we hope to experience with one another. This can offer a sense of direction as we plan for the holidays and the lives we actually lead now.
– Maria Sandgren
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